Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2
God has been prompting me to think about carrying each other’s burdens. The prompting isn’t about me carrying the burdens of others. Rather, it is about allowing others to carry my burdens—and even more, to ask them to do so.
Our pastor’s Sunday sermon, Facebook posts from multiple friends, and my own recent fibromyalgia diagnosis have focused my attention on the importance of inviting others to respond Galatians 6:2 by asking them for the help I need.
I don’t like to have to rely on others. I have always insisted on doing things the hard way (just ask my mother), and I have a history of refusing help when it is offered.
God’s recent prompting has urged me to think about other times in my life when I could have used help but instead did something all on my own.
All Alone
My sexual journey is a prime example of a time when help would have made my efforts easier.
I felt alone.
When I realized sex was a source of tension and distress in my marriage, I figured I had to deal with it on my own. I couldn’t talk to my husband, because we didn’t seem to be able to talk about sex without fighting. I had close friends, but we didn’t talk about our sex lives; I wouldn’t have known what to say even if I’d thought to do so. I lived in a dark cloud of my own suffering.
I felt alone again when I began to address my struggles. I was still trying to figure out how to talk to my husband about sex and I didn’t want to expose my failings to my friends, so I went online. I read Christian blogs about sex and marriage. I lurked on various discussion boards. I found lots of good information, and while that was good, no one seemed to understand what it was like to be where I was. People talked about sex was as though it were easy, which it wasn’t for me. Women were saying things like “just do things differently” but not saying how to do those things or what to do with my feelings of loneliness and struggle.
Even as sex became easier and my marriage improved, I was on a lonely journey. So when I got lost, I found my way back on my own. When I got stuck and needed a rest, I figured out for myself how to replenish myself and get moving again. When I stumbled or fell backward, I picked myself up off the ground, took a deep breath, and made my feet move again without anyone helping me.
I felt alone—but maybe it didn’t have to be that way. I thought I had to do these things on my own because support didn’t jump out at me.
It never occurred to me to reach out and ASK for help.
With support, I still would have had to do the work myself—but it sure would have been nice to have some encouragement from other women who understood my journey or who could cheer me on and celebrate with me when I accomplished something hard.
You Are Not Alone
I hear from many wives who have also felt alone in their sexual struggles and are comforted to discover they are not.
I thought I was the only one.
It’s like you’re in my head, thinking my own thoughts.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who has struggled with this.
Reading your story has made me think maybe I could work on sex, too.
Knowing you aren’t alone is reassuring.
Just imagine how much better it could be to know that someone is helping you carry the burdens of your journey.
How to Ask for Help
If you are anything like me, asking for help doesn’t come naturally. You have to work at it.
So here are suggestions to help you ask others for help on your sexual journey.
Pray.
Ask God to help you with your sexual struggles. God created sex, and He wants you and your husband to have an intimate marriage.
Be willing to accept help that is offered.
If you’ve ever turned down an offer of help (again, like me), learn to say, “Yes, thank you.” It gets easier the more you do it.
Practice asking for help.
Get used to asking for help in less personal matters. If you aren’t able to ask for help washing your dishes or weeding your garden, it’s going to be way harder to ask for help when it comes to sex. Look for opportunities to practice asking—at work, in your neighborhood, in the family, and at church. Before you allow yourself to think, I don’t want to be a bother, remember that it is good for others to know they are helping.
Ask for prayer.
Ask friends to pray for you. You don’t need to give any details or even say something vague about your marriage. Just say you are working on something difficult and personal and would appreciate prayer for courage and perseverance. With a close friend, you might even say that you are working on something related to your sex life and ask for more specific prayer.
Reach out to experienced wives in your church.
Who are the happy wives in your church, and who are the wives with the happiest husbands? Approach a wife who seems to have a good marriage. Ask her to have coffee with you because you need some marriage encouragement. If you don’t know who to ask, ask your pastor for a recommendation.
Look online.
Sometimes it is too hard to think about talking about your sexual struggles with someone you regularly see face-to-face. The internet has some good Christian support opportunities.
Consider joining my Honeycomb & Spice community for wives. If you have a higher sex drive than your husband, look at the Hot, Holy & Humorous HD Wives community. If your husband has a porn or sex addiction, look at coaching from Strong Wives.
If you have been trudging along your sexual journey on your own, maybe it’s time for you to reach out and invite someone else to walk alongside you.
When you ask for help on your sexual journey, you not only find the encouragement and support you need, you also invite others to fulfill Galatians 6:2—and your marriage will get a boost along the way.
You don’t have to carry your burdens alone.
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