Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you; your right hand upholds me. Psalm 63:7-8
Hello, my friends. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?
It’s Always Something
For months I have struggled to write. The primary reason is “fibro fog,” the effect of fibromyalgia on cognitive processing. It’s hard some days to have even one clear idea, not to mention multiple ideas that could be strung together in a blog post or even one decent paragraph. As someone who has always been a thinker, reflecter, brainstormer, reader, and daydreamer, I don’t even recognize myself some days.
Aside from my personal challenges (both health and family stuff), I’ve been disheartened by the divisiveness I’ve seen in the Christian community in general and in marriage ministry specifically. And it seems like every time I turn around, I learn of yet another woman who has been let down by the church, making her feel less than, not enough, or irrelevant.
The state of the world doesn’t help, either. Ukrainians are suffering. Children are being shot and killed. I’m torn between watching the news as a way of recognizing the suffering in the world and turning it off and sticking my head in my sand because it hurts to see such sadness.
It’s hard for me to think that marriage ministry matters in the face of so much suffering.
All this is to say that I haven’t been here the last few months because it’s been hard. It’s hard to sing out loud when you’ve lost your voice and aren’t sure your song can be heard.
Out from the Shadow
I have sought God, and I’ve let myself stay in the shadow of His wings until I’m rested.
I’ve allowed myself to simply rest in Him, knowing that I needed the restoration and healing that only He could provide. I’ve occupied myself with Bible study, knitting prayer shawls and lap blankets, listening to my father-in-law’s farming stories, and planting flowers.
Very slowly, I’ve seen myself being restored. I’ve started daydreaming again. I’ve jotted notes and ideas for blog posts. I’m started to feel like myself again. I’m even sleeping better some nights.
I’ve been reminded that even with so much awful stuff in the world, there is still so much that is good. Even the greatest suffering is healed one step at a time. Small steps can lead to big change.
So here I am again. I have ideas for new posts, and I will update some of my older blog posts for this website and new readers. I’ll be showing up more in the Honeycomb & Spice community, which I’ve also neglected more than I would have liked.
A Marriage Lesson
I’m reminded of how marriage and sex growth can go. Sometimes it’s just hard to show up and do all the work, especially when you’re dealing with other things in life.
When this happens, it’s okay to pause for a bit while building yourself back to the point where you are restored enough to proceed again.
We do the best we can, and sometimes that just means that we sit still for a bit while we cling to God and do our singing in the shadow of His wings.
Image credit | canva.com
It is good to see you writing again. Press on in doing good. There are literally no voices in my life that encourage me in the area of married sex. I am at that age, post-child-bearing, where sex is just a duty to uphold toward my husband who has a sex drive that hasn’t slowed down yet. I know that “duty” thinking is not how I should view it, but that is the pattern I always fall back into. Your writing addresses a definite need.
It can be so hard to change those patterns of thinking. I still have times when my mind wants to go back there, and I have to be intentional. Thank you for your kind words. I pray that sex because more than a duty for you.