Making sexual changes in your life isn’t easy. When we struggle, we often feel all alone. After all who can we talk to about sex?
Our husbands? We should be able to discuss sex with our husbands, but the reality is that many of us can’t. I was one of them. I didn’t want to say anything for fear of him pushing me to change or expressing disbelief in what I said. He was biased on the issue because my struggle with sex had an impact on him. Some women don’t want to talk with their husbands about sex because their husband is a big part of the problem. Sexual coercion, porn use, or his treatment of us are big factors in many women’s struggles—even if those things happened years ago.
Our friends? This isn’t so easy, either. We might fear judgment. We don’t want to invite comparison. We don’t want to speak ill of our husband to someone who knows him. Besides, some friends simply aren’t willing to listen. “That’s TMI,” they say. Too much information. They don’t want to know anything about your sex life or your sexual struggles.
The pastor? Women at church? Realistically, many women feel guilty if they even think about sex while they’re in the church building. I didn’t want to talk to our male pastor because I assumed he would be on Big Guy’s side, sort of a bro code thing. I didn’t trust him to minister to me in this area. Other women at church seemed to be so much holier and happier in their marriages than I was. I didn’t want to parade my spiritual and marital inadequacies in front of them.
Whether or not we feel comfortable talking to other people about sex, we should remember that we can and should talk to God about it. Even if it seems weird to be thinking about God and our sex life at the same time, the truth is that God created sex, and He created it to be something that not only helpscreate new people but also something that creates and maintains unity between a husband and a wife.
And how do we talk to God? We pray.
Prayer is such a powerful way of inviting God to stand beside you, supporting your efforts and comforting you during difficult moments. He is with you anyway, always, but the inviting matters. When you pray, you acknowledge to both yourself and to God the areas where you need to work. In prayer, your heart is open to what God has in store
If you haven’t prayed about your sexual struggles, you may have no idea what to say. So let me offer a prayer for you. (Click here for a printable.)
Heavenly Father, you created so many wondrous things for us to enjoy. My husband and I are both made in your image. You created our bodies, and they are good. You created sex, yet I struggle to believe that sex can be good for me and good for my marriage.
Please help me. Guide me toward your truth. Help me accept all that you show me. I know you can release me from my baggage and from my wrong beliefs. I ask you to do that in me. Please place people around me who will lift me up and who I can trust to talk to about sex. Give me the wisdom to know whether sex is truly a problem—or the problem—in our marriage.
Bless our marriage with sex that is good for both of us. Use it to make us more connected and united, becoming one flesh in more than just our bodies. Help us both to experience deeper intimacy, with each other and with you. Let sex show us a glimpse what it will be to be united with you in heaven. Surround our sex life with protection against the enemy.
Let Your goodness overflow in our marriage, and help us both to fully enjoy each other.
Amen
If you want to learn more about God’s view of sex in your marriage, I’ll be running a couple studies in the Honeycomb & Spice community this year. In addition to learning more about how God views sex, you’ll get some good practice communicating with others about sex.
This spring I’ll be leading a Passion Pursuit study. We’ll start in February. In the summer I’ll do a study on Juli Slattery’s book God, Sex, and Your Marriage. I’ll share details soon.
