Has sex has been a source of disagreement in your marriage? If so, you already know that special days can be fraught with tension.
Special Sex Days
If your husband wants sex more than you do (especially if you rarely, if ever, are interested), then you’ve probably experienced his disappointment when a holiday goes by without any sex. Christmas Eve, after staying up putting toys together for the kids? Too tired. Your anniversary? You’re happy if you have your period and can get a free pass. Father’s Day? Forget it. Steak and Blowjob Day? Yikes.
When you’re trying to turn your sex life around, every special day is an extra opportunity to show your husband that you’re serious about working on this sex thing. This is especially true on his birthday. After all, his birthday is all about celebrating him and helping him feel special. If he’s complained about too little sex in the past, you know that birthday sex will go a long way in making him feel loved.
As his birthday approaches, you might even start to plan on something a little extra. Maybe you’ll add in something he’s asked for in the bedroom, or you’ll wear that extra sexy lingerie you’ve been saving for a special occasion. You can picture it . . . a nice dinner together, and you for dessert. Sounds dreamy, right?
How Does Your Husband Feel?
I suggest that you back up . . . way up.
Let me give you a glimpse of what might be going on in your husband’s mind.
Imagine that your husband has promised to give you your perfect date. Maybe it’s dinner and a show. Perhaps it’s a Saturday Star Wars marathon. It could be anything that you love.
Now let’s say that he has disappointed you time after time. He’s had good reasons. His boss calls for all hands on deck in overtime the week a big project is being delivered. His high school buddy is in town for a day and insists on taking your husband golfing. Even though his reasons are good, you’re disappointed. Here we go again, you think. Just once I wish he would follow through with his promise. It’s been like this for years, and I don’t think he’ll ever change.
And then suddenly you realize that he has changed. At least, you think he has. The last five dates he’s promised you, he’s followed through. You’re thrilled.
But . . . wouldn’t there be just a small part of you that wonders if it’s for real? After all the times you’ve gotten your hopes up and then been disappointed, wouldn’t you be holding your breath and waiting for the “I have to bail on our date” news? And wouldn’t you be a bit anxious about it up until the date actually happens?
If you’ve been sexually reluctant for long, that’s probably how your husband feels about sexual promises and expectations.
Is Nighttime the Right Time?
So here’s the thing about birthday sex in the evening.
Like he does every year, your husband is probably hoping for birthday sex. If you’ve been working on sex for a while, he even thinks it’s probably going to happen—but he isn’t completely sure. Will it happen? Won’t it? When I turn to her, will she respond differently than she did last year? Will this be another birthday disappointment?
When birthday sex happens in the evening, he’s going to be thrilled. But consider how he will have spent the entire day. Wondering. Hoping. But also, just a little bit, expecting that it won’t happen. And that, my friends, is no way for your husband to feel on his birthday.
So here’s my suggestion: Initiate in the morning.
Yup, it’s that simple. Here’s why it works.
First of all, when you initiate, he doesn’t have to be concerned about feeling rejected. You’ve taken his Will she or won’t she? completely out of the equation. (Need some ideas? Try here or here.)
Second, by having sex in the morning, he will start his day feeling loved—and it will last the whole day long. He won’t have to wonder whether sex will really happen, because it already has! He will go through his entire birthday content that he got to enjoy birthday sex with you.
I’m not suggesting that you ditch nighttime birthday sex altogether. If you really want to have a nice dinner with you for dessert, you still can—along with the morning initiation. Sex twice in the same day might just make for a sexually happy husband.
